Bugs

While at a friend's parents house on Sunday, I decided to take a walk with a few of the family members. This house is located on a mini-farm. It has about 16 acres and I wanted to do some exploring of the property. At one point I sat on a hay wagon that gave me a view of the natural spring on the property. I wanted to take a moment and take the beautiful view of the property in. To get to the wagon I had to cross a 3 foot section of tall weeds/grass. As I crossed this section to reach the wagon there didn't seem to be any bugs around me. As you know, often times our perception and reality does not always match up. After sitting on the wagon taking in the scenery and the view that overlooked a natural spring, the bugs started emerging on the grass below me. It was a sight to see, they were going about their business moving to and fro on the leaves and stems on the ground beneath me. It was something I enjoyed watching. I sat on the wagon for about 5 minutes just watching these bugs and something occurred to me, this is kind of like how God is, actually how we are with God.

There are times we are so busy with our lives and what is going around us to see God working in everything we are going through. This causes our perception to not align with reality. Sometimes we just need to sit on wagon for a while and take everything in.

I know you are probably wondering what bugs I was observing. It is called the Multicolored Asian Ladybug, better know as the Orange Ladybug. The interesting thing about the Orange Ladybug is that many people consider it a pest and many consider it a friend. What category do you fall into?

Brothers, Sisters, and Friendship

It's hard to believe that it is already October. I mean, really? Where did this year go? As crappy as it has been at times it has flown by. Life is moving right along for me. I am looking forward to having the kids in 2 weeks for a full week. They have a fall break at their school. Jude has already mentioned who he wants to see while he is back in Ohio. Not sure we will be able to see everyone but I will certainly try. I have some plans for them while they are up here. I would like to have a nice picture taken of us. I don't really have a family portrait so that is on my list of things to do and also we will be heading to my mom's house the 2nd weekend they are here. I doubt I will see them much since they will be off in the woods with their cousins.

I was talking to someone about friends and friendship the other day. I couldn't remember the verse I wanted to share about friends but after some searching I finally found what I was looking for.

"Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family." Proverbs 18:24 The Message.

We were talking about her and her one friend that has become like a sister to her. I said she was lucky to have a friend like that since in life it doesn't happen very often. I have had friends come and go in my life. And for whatever reason I have lost touch with them over the years. Of course it doesn't help to move to Texas for a couple of years and then back to Ohio. I think the distance didn't help with keeping in touch with friends in Ohio or the new one's I made while in Texas. I have never been one to have a bunch a friends at one time. In high school I tended to hang out with a few people at a time. This scenario has followed me into adulthood. I have been pretty content to go about life my own way. There have, however, been times that I have felt pretty lonely. Looking back those are the times I probably wasn't very close to God

Dawn

It's hard to believe that it has been 2 weeks since the kids made the transition to TN. I think they have adjusted well to their school and new routine. Jude, Elise and Avery all seem to like there school and going to the Boys and Girls Club afterwards. I have adjusted to my new routine of not going to there mom's house and taking them to school or bringing them back to my house in the morning if they didn't have school that day. I can confidently say that the sun is starting to rise on a new day for me.

I have been diving in a little deeper with my devotions and prayer life while trying to rely on God to get me through this transition. It is working. No matter how I hated and how I think this transition is hard, He has gotten me through it. God does provide in His own time. Thankfully is not in our time that we think it should be done. Like I said, I have been starting to dive in a little deeper with quiet time and all. I probably should begin to journal my thoughts so that I am able to go back and reflect on them in the future.

Hard Ball

While in high school I loved playing sports, it didn't really matter what sport it was, I loved it. While at Central I played baseball and then during the summer breaks and after I graduated I loved to play softball. During my senior year, the last season I played baseball, I recall the first game of the season. I was the lead off batter, it was the bottom of the 1st inning (we were playing at home), I hit a triple, it probably would have been a home-run if we had a fence up. I was very aggressive with my first at bat, the remainder of the season I was not nearly as aggressive. I drew a lot of walks, I was looking for the perfect pitch to hit. The perfect pitch never came.

I was married a little over 9 years, during the 9 years of marriage I did some great things, I hit the ball out of the park, but there were times I completely whiffed, actually whiffed multiple times in a row. I am a very emotional guy and there were times I allowed my emotions to control my actions and reactions. I said very terrible things and did very terrible things. I broke stuff and threw stuff. Like I said I did and said terrible things. Things I wish I could take back, wish I could go back in the past and react differently. I had an emotional affair. The "relationship" started out honestly as a friendship, I was trying to be a friend and be supportive. But none-the-less it took my attention away from the important relationship of my wife. Delilah, I am so very sorry for wronging you during our marriage and wish there was a way for me to change everything for the future, but I guess our divorce stopped that process.

I am a Christian, I am a guy. But does this mean that I am a good Christian guy? Not necessarily. I am not a believer of good Christian's or bad Christian's. I believe that you are a Christian regardless. There are times that I fall and fail in my actions. I am not perfect and never said that I was. I do my best.

Tomorrow starts a new life for me. The kids will be in TN and it will be the first weekday morning that I don't go over to there house and help get them ready for school and then take them to school. It will be a huge adjustment for me.

Like I said in an earlier post, I am excited about the opportunity Delilah has with her new position, not so excited about the kids living away from me.

So, tomorrow in deed starts a new life for me whether I want it or not.

The River

Have you ever sat and watched a river? I mean, just sat and watched the river, the intricacies of it, the ebb and flow of the river. I love watching the water flow past me as I sit on the river bank. I become mesmerized with the water. I often find that it is interesting to look beyond the water surface; to look at the rocks beneath the surface, the trees dipping their branches into the water, logs upstream from the spot you are perched at. Each item causes the river to have a swirl here, bubbles to form their, a ripple over there, or a rapid near by. No matter the object that is placed in the water there is a cause and an effect to it. No matter the effect though, the water must continue to flow. If it were to stop flowing it would no longer be a river.

My life is a river. It continues to flow regardless of the objects that are placed in it. If my life were to quit flowing, well, that wouldn't be good, now would it? Life is a river, it must continue flowing. Sometimes it can be turbulent like the white water rapids of the Arkansas River in Colorado or times and can be easy flowing like the might Mississippi River or any where in between. Regardless of the phase your life river is in, go with it and learn from it and take it with you into the future.

Predawn

I have had a wonderful weekend with my 3 children this weekend. Saturday I spent most of the time over at their mom's house because she is packing and sorting through things and she need some assistance going through things and moving boxes. It was kind of weird because she had her 2 closer friends and her sister there. At one point I mentioned to Heather, "Why am I here helping my ex-wife? I either must be crazy or still in love with her." She replied, "Or, a little of both." I think it was pretty accurate.

Back to the kids. I always try to do a little something with each one individually. Yesterday I focused on Elise. We went on a bike ride through town. It probably ended up being about 3 miles when it was said and done. We weaved our way down to the Riverfront, over to Portage Trail, and then back to the High Glens Park on the river. While riding beside her, I couldn't be more proud of her. She is growing up so fast and has become a great little girl.

Today I took the kids to an Akron Aero's game. We were in the 2nd row one section from the dugout and behind the screen. Jude has been wanting to go for a while so we finally made it. I found out today they the Aero's has a kid's club and kids under 12 get free tickets to every Sunday game. I wish I would have known that at the beginning of the season. Not that it overly expensive to go to a game, but saving money is saving money. The Aero's won and it was a beautiful day for an afternoon game. We even experienced a few sprinkles.

The kids will be at my house every night this week while Delilah finishes packing up the house. She mentioned something about it is just easier with out the kids making more of a mess. I'm not sure meant by that. lol The kids are really excited about moving. I am sad about them moving. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

For the short-term I will be living in the Akron area, I am hoping that I can continue working my job from home in WV. I haven't received the official ok for it yet, but I am told that once the work from home pilot is deemed a success it will be one of the first things to be discussed.

Changes

It is hard to believe that summer is winding down, and school starts for the the kids this week. Jude is entering the 3rd grade, he is growing up so fast. Elise is entering the 1st grade and Avery is still in pre-school. Next year they will be in the same school. I'm sure that will be interesting.

I didn't really want to talk about my kids in this post. Don't get me wrong, now. I love my kids and I love talking about my kids. I just didn't want to start a post with a BAM!!!

Delilah has accepted a position in Tennessee doing what she loves, social work. It is a great opportunity for her. It will give her the opportunity to move up in her field and also she will be able to start her Master's in Social Work, and according to the information I have it will be paid for by her employer. It really is a great opportunity for her.......

I have been forced to make a gut wrenching decision, one that I didn't want to have to make. At first, as recently as 2 weeks ago, I was adamantly apposed to having my children move 8 hours away from me. Early last week I opened myself to the idea of it and on Friday Delilah and I had our expectations written out. But, something changed over the weekend for me. I started to have 2nd thoughts about it. After all they are my children and I love them. Yesterday and today was a very tough day for both of us. I spoke with my attorney today and gained some insight on the process and I talked to my mom a lot about my choices. I prayed, thought, prayed and finally made a decision.

I was looking at two options I could make. The first option, would have gone through the court in determining what was in the best interest of the kids. This would have forced Delilah to move to TN without the kids and the kids would have lived with me until a court decision was made. This would have been a great option for me personally. The second option was to take myself out of the equation and focus only on the kids and their future in relation to Delilah. I choose the second option. The kids will be moving with her over Labor Day weekend to Tennessee.

So, BAM!!! There you have it. Like I said earlier this is not a choice I wanted to make. In all I do I try to put the kids first. Just thinking about being 8 hours away from my kids brings tears to my eyes.