I have been diving in a little deeper with my devotions and prayer life while trying to rely on God to get me through this transition. It is working. No matter how I hated and how I think this transition is hard, He has gotten me through it. God does provide in His own time. Thankfully is not in our time that we think it should be done. Like I said, I have been starting to dive in a little deeper with quiet time and all. I probably should begin to journal my thoughts so that I am able to go back and reflect on them in the future.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
It's hard to believe that it has been 2 weeks since the kids made the transition to TN. I think they have adjusted well to their school and new routine. Jude, Elise and Avery all seem to like there school and going to the Boys and Girls Club afterwards. I have adjusted to my new routine of not going to there mom's house and taking them to school or bringing them back to my house in the morning if they didn't have school that day. I can confidently say that the sun is starting to rise on a new day for me.
Monday, September 05, 2011
While in high school I loved playing sports, it didn't really matter what sport it was, I loved it. While at Central I played baseball and then during the summer breaks and after I graduated I loved to play softball. During my senior year, the last season I played baseball, I recall the first game of the season. I was the lead off batter, it was the bottom of the 1st inning (we were playing at home), I hit a triple, it probably would have been a home-run if we had a fence up. I was very aggressive with my first at bat, the remainder of the season I was not nearly as aggressive. I drew a lot of walks, I was looking for the perfect pitch to hit. The perfect pitch never came.
I was married a little over 9 years, during the 9 years of marriage I did some great things, I hit the ball out of the park, but there were times I completely whiffed, actually whiffed multiple times in a row. I am a very emotional guy and there were times I allowed my emotions to control my actions and reactions. I said very terrible things and did very terrible things. I broke stuff and threw stuff. Like I said I did and said terrible things. Things I wish I could take back, wish I could go back in the past and react differently. I had an emotional affair. The "relationship" started out honestly as a friendship, I was trying to be a friend and be supportive. But none-the-less it took my attention away from the important relationship of my wife. Delilah, I am so very sorry for wronging you during our marriage and wish there was a way for me to change everything for the future, but I guess our divorce stopped that process.
I am a Christian, I am a guy. But does this mean that I am a good Christian guy? Not necessarily. I am not a believer of good Christian's or bad Christian's. I believe that you are a Christian regardless. There are times that I fall and fail in my actions. I am not perfect and never said that I was. I do my best.
Tomorrow starts a new life for me. The kids will be in TN and it will be the first weekday morning that I don't go over to there house and help get them ready for school and then take them to school. It will be a huge adjustment for me.
Like I said in an earlier post, I am excited about the opportunity Delilah has with her new position, not so excited about the kids living away from me.
So, tomorrow in deed starts a new life for me whether I want it or not.