Monday, September 05, 2011

Hard Ball

While in high school I loved playing sports, it didn't really matter what sport it was, I loved it. While at Central I played baseball and then during the summer breaks and after I graduated I loved to play softball. During my senior year, the last season I played baseball, I recall the first game of the season. I was the lead off batter, it was the bottom of the 1st inning (we were playing at home), I hit a triple, it probably would have been a home-run if we had a fence up. I was very aggressive with my first at bat, the remainder of the season I was not nearly as aggressive. I drew a lot of walks, I was looking for the perfect pitch to hit. The perfect pitch never came.

I was married a little over 9 years, during the 9 years of marriage I did some great things, I hit the ball out of the park, but there were times I completely whiffed, actually whiffed multiple times in a row. I am a very emotional guy and there were times I allowed my emotions to control my actions and reactions. I said very terrible things and did very terrible things. I broke stuff and threw stuff. Like I said I did and said terrible things. Things I wish I could take back, wish I could go back in the past and react differently. I had an emotional affair. The "relationship" started out honestly as a friendship, I was trying to be a friend and be supportive. But none-the-less it took my attention away from the important relationship of my wife. Delilah, I am so very sorry for wronging you during our marriage and wish there was a way for me to change everything for the future, but I guess our divorce stopped that process.

I am a Christian, I am a guy. But does this mean that I am a good Christian guy? Not necessarily. I am not a believer of good Christian's or bad Christian's. I believe that you are a Christian regardless. There are times that I fall and fail in my actions. I am not perfect and never said that I was. I do my best.

Tomorrow starts a new life for me. The kids will be in TN and it will be the first weekday morning that I don't go over to there house and help get them ready for school and then take them to school. It will be a huge adjustment for me.

Like I said in an earlier post, I am excited about the opportunity Delilah has with her new position, not so excited about the kids living away from me.

So, tomorrow in deed starts a new life for me whether I want it or not.

No comments: